TOXIC PARENTING

Let me start by saying I personally do not know everything parenting entails and I am proud of every single parent cause they did what they knew and thought was good for their kids. In a huge population we live in, only a number of us can define what toxic parenting is exactly. Some of them might have experienced it first hand or witnessed their friends going through it. Earlier this month, I conducted a poll on my Instagram; to see if my followers understand what I am talking about and apparently, a large percentage can relate.  69% voted yes.

Imagine the damage of having a toxic parent during your childhood does not end when you grow up as people assume, because you now have to recover from the traumas. It becomes hard because at times the individual has to detach themselves emotionally from the trauma. At least 60% of Africans have at some point experienced toxic parenthood, which makes them bottle up their emotions leading to more increased suicide cases and increased depression cases. At times, it even affects someone to a point they do not want to be parents in future, because of the fear of being a toxic parent.

It must be terrible to live a life with the fear of rejection, bottling up your emotions not to appear weak, trying to please people and self-esteem issues among other effects of having toxic parents. In most instances, parents do not do this knowingly; obviously, no parents want to give their child a hell on earth experience.

Most of the unhealthy relationships amongst our peers is because of toxic parenting. Imagine living your entire life without opening up and now you have a partner who always expects you to open up when you are not okay. Of course, you will feel like they are all in your business when that is not the case; they genuinely care because they want make sure you are fine. It goes to an extent of them tolerating behaviors they are not comfortable with for the fear of been judged. This makes them become people pleasers, which is also an effect of toxic parenting. The bottling up of emotions is often done to avoid been rejected and judged; as perceived by the individual.

Always have it in mind that the traumatic experience you had as a child might still be present as an adult in your life. In addition, your parents were never toxic because you did something wrong, so you are not to blame. Nevertheless, the most important thing is it is possible to unlearn toxic parents you might have learnt as a child, change the dynamic and build a healthier and happier life.

Always parent in your child’s interest even if it bruises your ego.

Dr. Anne Brown on twitter.